Even though social media discourse is so rampant on Substack, I will never get tired of reading everyone's perspectives on it. Thank you for sharing this, it really grapples with the whole social implications of social media (and whether or not one participates in it) and I admire your ability to unplug yourself from a machine designed to keep you addicted. How did you fight the digital FOMO? Because that's my biggest struggle at the moment.
In my experience, the FOMO eventually dies. Once you get used to no social media you wonder what you felt like you were missing out on in the first place. Every trend is fleeting and if it is important enough to be long-lasting, you will hear about it through a friend, through the news, through substack, etc. If anything, I look back and feel loss for all the time I spent curating and thinking about my perception when I could've been doing anything else.
I’ve been out of social media for 6 months-ish. I used to wonder how everyone is doing. My hand itched to re-download Instagram, when I thought about other people. But I had a golden rule: out of sight, out of mind. This way I don’t get FOMO because I don’t have an idea what is happening.
It gets easier when you start doing offline, real life things. You should start filling the times you spend scrolling to doing things that you enjoy, like reading and writing, etc.
Your comment about having used to find comfort in social media, but now it feels "off?" I get this so so much. I used to feel like I was an active participant in it--we all were--and building happy, supportive communities (for me, it was with fellow authors), but when the platforms shifted to mostly video/ads and we became more passive consumers, that's when the switch happened for me. You're smart--you know, frankly, you're being used. 💚
I have been off social media for maybe 2 months now. I'm now realizing it means I don't see the open invites to events my friends are throwing, so I have to redirect them to texting me directly. Which for a distant friend, would be too much effort. But because I'm off social media, I'm texting my friends so much more often. So our bonds are closer, and they want me to be at these events and will make the extra effort.
Getting rid of social media is difficult and complicated for many reasons for each person. I relied on it heavily for friendships when I was lonely in my adolescence. But once I got rid of Tiktok, then Instagram quickly followed. Now I have even removed Pinterest and YouTube! I don't even know if I consider it social media, but I just realized from removing a few, how much impact these apps had on my mental load. I've been noticing lately, that when I make a personal rule not to watch tv/movies/YouTube until a very specific time at night, then by that time, I am so immersed in whatever project I picked up to distract myself. Time goes by slower when you're not watching something or scrolling a feed. Which at some points in life can be very useful. But I think if you are beginning to feel a strong thirst for life, removing these distractions can give you an even richer life.
Also I think not having social media gives an opportunity to be more bold in your relationships. I'm starting a ladies chess club and I'm not even good at chess! I talk to random people when I'm out in public. The other day I made conversation with a girl at the hardware store, and we got coffee the next morning! People think it must be horrifying and difficult, but I can't emphasize enough how much it's improved my social life.
Brava! Have also deleted IG and gave up television for Lent. I’m living very 19th century right now, but the decrease in stimulation has been fabulous!
Just this week. I deactivated my IG account and deleted the app from my phone. It had become an unhealthy addiction for me and my soul said NO MORE! After deleting the app, I very quickly became highly aware of how much of a habit it was to grab my phone and scroll. 🥺 I do admit that I feel SO much better not having IG. Super grateful that I left Facebook years ago. Substack is the only app that I truly enjoy being on. It's real humans sharing their hearts and souls, SO REFRESHING 💗
I think one big difference between Substack and places like Instagram is that here I’m not constantly having my buttons pushed or taken advantage of towards addiction and mindless scrolling. Meta products do have a lot of great usages but the apps and algorithms are designed in a really harmful way for those seeking to have balance in their lives and you have a lot of systems constantly working against you.
Social media can be enjoyable, and useful, but it’s not going to be with Meta.
This is such a great contribution to the conversation, thank you for sharing!
I wanted to write an essay on rejecting social media and even smart tech but now it's turning into a series because there's so much to discuss. Not that they're bad because the conversation has to start somewhere but the short posts about "I'm getting off socials because I want to live slowly or it's making me feel bad" don't nail how insidious it is to suddenly not be relevant to your network anymore??? Honestly, I think this is just more evidence that community *needs* to be local, third places need to come back, other opportunities for communication/interaction need to be mainstream.
I’m not sure I’ve related to any post on Substack as much as I have this one. Really hits home the points I made in my essay “on being chronically offline”😌🫶🏽
I'm not a social media person, had been for a couple of years when i was a teen, but as soon as i turned 16 the idea of staying in these habits cycle felt artificial to me, a copy of other people's realities and wants that simply didn't exist inside my mind. I never post, just see some, I don't check instagram and tiktok, and just use for the sake of a time for distraction, but even without using those things for a long time now, i still feel sometimes the need of being perceived: my interests, opinions and maybe my appearance, thought i know to let people know those things aren't the potion, the solutions, to feel satisfied, because it's not. I catch myself talkin alone like someone is actually listening to me, imagine some situation in which i am being admired, but then it fades away, cause it's not real, and it just means, by essence, that the fact I'm making someone in my mind perceive me is a product of my own knowledge of my self worth.
In the end, it's all about what YOU think, even if the opinion of others, the attention, feels more than great, because they don't feel great if YOU don't like what they have to say.
How you feel, your wants and need all flies around what you want, what you consider cool or interesting, not what you think it is, but simply is to you.
I think social media aren't the main source of the problem of anyone, but the need of being perceived, and the act itself it's a sign you know you are interesting, so just be it, just for yourself.
This post came at the perfect time. I've been currently thinking to myself, how will social media impact my psyche, mental, and emotional health if I continue to use it at the rate, I am using it (all the time). I always say that I want to have a good life outside of social media as far as being healthy, spending time with friends and family, eating great food etc, and that does not need to document at all. Currently, I have been going back and forth between completely deleting my social media pages or choosing to participate in it in a healthy way. Idk, but this post definitely inspired me. Amazing read!
Social media is a blessing and a curse. There’s no other way to explain it. Life was so much easier without it. But with that being said there’s things that are easier because of it. Strange isn’t it? And your generation collectively will never know what it’s like before phones and social media. I’ve had that discussion with my children. It is what it is. Great read. Thank you!!!
Even though social media discourse is so rampant on Substack, I will never get tired of reading everyone's perspectives on it. Thank you for sharing this, it really grapples with the whole social implications of social media (and whether or not one participates in it) and I admire your ability to unplug yourself from a machine designed to keep you addicted. How did you fight the digital FOMO? Because that's my biggest struggle at the moment.
In my experience, the FOMO eventually dies. Once you get used to no social media you wonder what you felt like you were missing out on in the first place. Every trend is fleeting and if it is important enough to be long-lasting, you will hear about it through a friend, through the news, through substack, etc. If anything, I look back and feel loss for all the time I spent curating and thinking about my perception when I could've been doing anything else.
I’ve been out of social media for 6 months-ish. I used to wonder how everyone is doing. My hand itched to re-download Instagram, when I thought about other people. But I had a golden rule: out of sight, out of mind. This way I don’t get FOMO because I don’t have an idea what is happening.
It gets easier when you start doing offline, real life things. You should start filling the times you spend scrolling to doing things that you enjoy, like reading and writing, etc.
Your comment about having used to find comfort in social media, but now it feels "off?" I get this so so much. I used to feel like I was an active participant in it--we all were--and building happy, supportive communities (for me, it was with fellow authors), but when the platforms shifted to mostly video/ads and we became more passive consumers, that's when the switch happened for me. You're smart--you know, frankly, you're being used. 💚
100%!!!
I have been off social media for maybe 2 months now. I'm now realizing it means I don't see the open invites to events my friends are throwing, so I have to redirect them to texting me directly. Which for a distant friend, would be too much effort. But because I'm off social media, I'm texting my friends so much more often. So our bonds are closer, and they want me to be at these events and will make the extra effort.
Getting rid of social media is difficult and complicated for many reasons for each person. I relied on it heavily for friendships when I was lonely in my adolescence. But once I got rid of Tiktok, then Instagram quickly followed. Now I have even removed Pinterest and YouTube! I don't even know if I consider it social media, but I just realized from removing a few, how much impact these apps had on my mental load. I've been noticing lately, that when I make a personal rule not to watch tv/movies/YouTube until a very specific time at night, then by that time, I am so immersed in whatever project I picked up to distract myself. Time goes by slower when you're not watching something or scrolling a feed. Which at some points in life can be very useful. But I think if you are beginning to feel a strong thirst for life, removing these distractions can give you an even richer life.
Also I think not having social media gives an opportunity to be more bold in your relationships. I'm starting a ladies chess club and I'm not even good at chess! I talk to random people when I'm out in public. The other day I made conversation with a girl at the hardware store, and we got coffee the next morning! People think it must be horrifying and difficult, but I can't emphasize enough how much it's improved my social life.
Brava! Have also deleted IG and gave up television for Lent. I’m living very 19th century right now, but the decrease in stimulation has been fabulous!
Obsessed with this decision! you're not missing much :)
this encouraged me sm thank you for sharing!
Just this week. I deactivated my IG account and deleted the app from my phone. It had become an unhealthy addiction for me and my soul said NO MORE! After deleting the app, I very quickly became highly aware of how much of a habit it was to grab my phone and scroll. 🥺 I do admit that I feel SO much better not having IG. Super grateful that I left Facebook years ago. Substack is the only app that I truly enjoy being on. It's real humans sharing their hearts and souls, SO REFRESHING 💗
We are definitely glad you chose Substack over the other social media platforms!
I think one big difference between Substack and places like Instagram is that here I’m not constantly having my buttons pushed or taken advantage of towards addiction and mindless scrolling. Meta products do have a lot of great usages but the apps and algorithms are designed in a really harmful way for those seeking to have balance in their lives and you have a lot of systems constantly working against you.
Social media can be enjoyable, and useful, but it’s not going to be with Meta.
This is so true!
This was amazing and covered my complete and total views towards going offline and navigating a world without constant perception
I remember feeling like I had been liberated when I first deleted Facebook because I now knew who my true friends were.
This is such a great contribution to the conversation, thank you for sharing!
I wanted to write an essay on rejecting social media and even smart tech but now it's turning into a series because there's so much to discuss. Not that they're bad because the conversation has to start somewhere but the short posts about "I'm getting off socials because I want to live slowly or it's making me feel bad" don't nail how insidious it is to suddenly not be relevant to your network anymore??? Honestly, I think this is just more evidence that community *needs* to be local, third places need to come back, other opportunities for communication/interaction need to be mainstream.
I’m not sure I’ve related to any post on Substack as much as I have this one. Really hits home the points I made in my essay “on being chronically offline”😌🫶🏽
Can i read your essay ?
https://open.substack.com/pub/traumaandcompany/p/on-being-chronically-offline?r=3170lk&utm_medium=ios
I'm not a social media person, had been for a couple of years when i was a teen, but as soon as i turned 16 the idea of staying in these habits cycle felt artificial to me, a copy of other people's realities and wants that simply didn't exist inside my mind. I never post, just see some, I don't check instagram and tiktok, and just use for the sake of a time for distraction, but even without using those things for a long time now, i still feel sometimes the need of being perceived: my interests, opinions and maybe my appearance, thought i know to let people know those things aren't the potion, the solutions, to feel satisfied, because it's not. I catch myself talkin alone like someone is actually listening to me, imagine some situation in which i am being admired, but then it fades away, cause it's not real, and it just means, by essence, that the fact I'm making someone in my mind perceive me is a product of my own knowledge of my self worth.
In the end, it's all about what YOU think, even if the opinion of others, the attention, feels more than great, because they don't feel great if YOU don't like what they have to say.
How you feel, your wants and need all flies around what you want, what you consider cool or interesting, not what you think it is, but simply is to you.
I think social media aren't the main source of the problem of anyone, but the need of being perceived, and the act itself it's a sign you know you are interesting, so just be it, just for yourself.
This post came at the perfect time. I've been currently thinking to myself, how will social media impact my psyche, mental, and emotional health if I continue to use it at the rate, I am using it (all the time). I always say that I want to have a good life outside of social media as far as being healthy, spending time with friends and family, eating great food etc, and that does not need to document at all. Currently, I have been going back and forth between completely deleting my social media pages or choosing to participate in it in a healthy way. Idk, but this post definitely inspired me. Amazing read!
I want to go offline and see how many people notice… This was really well written. You convey your thoughts so clearly.
Loved your writing so much, you articulated what I have been trying to pin down for months.
I think you’re authentic. I loved your writing when I first saw it and this one is even more beautiful and coherent. Don’t ever change.❤️
Social media is a blessing and a curse. There’s no other way to explain it. Life was so much easier without it. But with that being said there’s things that are easier because of it. Strange isn’t it? And your generation collectively will never know what it’s like before phones and social media. I’ve had that discussion with my children. It is what it is. Great read. Thank you!!!